If you’re in an action movie, someone’s going to get killed. These tips will help you make sure it won’t be you.

1. Have weapons. Who’s going to pay to see problems solved without violence? Not your audience. You’d best be prepared to do some damage.

2. Don’t leave a gun next to a fallen enemy. Just because the guy you shot is on the ground doesn’t mean he can’t hurt you. How lazy do you have to be to leave guns lying all over the place anyway?

3. Wear safety glasses when facing biker gangs or other highway marauders. Mad Max films show how they wreck people by throwing car parts at windshields. Safety glasses won’t guarantee you’ll keep control of your vehicle, but they’re better than nothing. Remember, on the post-collapse highways of battle, it’s safety first!

4. Do flips. Projectiles cannot hit a movie hero whose body is flipping over – even if she’s moving in a straight line.

5. Don’t be the overly cocky guy. He usually dies.

6. Don’t go to the bathroom when cameras are rolling. If you’re filmed in the bathroom it probably means something bad will happen to you there. Go when everyone’s distracted by something important the other characters are doing.

7. Weapons are most effective when used in conjunction with snappy one-liners. But remember what Shakespeare said: brevity is the sole of potency. If you talk for too long, someone might shut you up with a bullet.

darianworden.com

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